What NOT To Do When You’re Heavily Pregnant

During the last week I’ve learnt some valuable lessons of what not to do when you’re heavily pregnant and have a toddler in tow.

1) Don’t go to the park without a stroller /buggy when you have a strict home deadline to meet. That is unless you fancy carrying the kicking (biting and pinching) ball of brat home in your arms. Do this once at 40 weeks pregnant and you won’t be doing it again. Partly because your back is so screwed that it will never recover (little over inflation but you appreciate what I’m saying) and partly because you have the bite marks to remind you.

2) Don’t venture near a dual carriageway when the toddler is set on running ahead to press the button for the pedestrian crossing traffic lights. There is clearly no choice but to break into a run to detain the kidlet. Leaving you feeling like you might need to crawl on all fours for the rest of the trip home. Trust me, when baby’s head is pretty much fully engaged and wedged in your pelvis not only does it make you wonder if it’s going to drop out, but it’s pretty uncomfortable too. Fortunately you are so preoccupied in saving your toddler from the perils of the speeding cars, mid run you don’t much notice the discomfort. It’s afterwards you think, mmm that was NOT good. In my case Babe rounded off this experience by deciding she needed to pee on the grassy curbside and proceeded to pull up her dress and begin squatting. “Nooooo” I bellowed, “not here”. She has a thing now for peeing ala carte, out and about.

3) Don’t go shopping with toddler thinking you’ve taken your purse when you havn’t, pay with cheque and then get home and expect not to kick start some contractions in the meltdown resulting from the panicked thought that you’d lost it. Turns out in my case, that my purse was in my handbag at home all along, that was after calling the mobile shop asking them to search high and low, retracing my route to the shop and the park and generally getting into a sobbing dribbly mess. This scenario was combined with item number 1 (above). It resulted in kicking off some great contractions that promptly disappeared when I cried in joy at discovering my purse in my handbag. Doh!

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One thought on “What NOT To Do When You’re Heavily Pregnant

  1. Barbs says:

    Sorry sis, but this had me chuckling my head off, mental images of the scenario will be relayed to OH in due course. Laughing aside hope all is going well – expect to be hearing something soon x

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